Financial Planning for Children of divorced parents

Ann Cooley
Family Mediator, Collaborative Practitioner, Certified Financial Planner

Children fear being abandoned, lonely and unloved
Children know when mom and dad are not getting along. Kids are smart and have a sixth sense. Many parents treat kids like grown-ups on certain issues but do not communicate with them about what’s really going on when a divorce is in process. This can be frightening for a child and they can easily become scared and feel abandoned, unloved and lonely. When their families are disrupted, children may be ashamed to tell anyone and can fear that they will be rejected by everyone. Children may suffer through disruption to the family caused by changing schools, neighbourhoods, and losing their friends.

If parents are in emotional turmoil, they can easily forget or may not be aware that their children are also suffering. When both parents work together, designing plans for the current and future needs of the children, discussions are more goal orientated instead of falling into the emotions of blame and guilt.

The financial plan and Kids
All children have unique talents, needs and sensitivities. Some may require special medical attention, counselling, or a special academic and recreational curriculum. A good financial plan can highlight these areas and help the child understand that both parents are working together in the best interest of the child’s future. By creating a financial plan and involving the children in the plan, the kids will feel more supported, loved and secure.

The children’s financial plan should be designed for, short-term, medium-term and long-term for each child. The plan should be reviewed every 6-12 months and include school location, extra activities, private tuition, school trips, holidays and medical and dental insurance.

A Child’s sadness, which turns into anger and fear
I recently saw 2 movies I highly recommend for families going through separation or divorce.

One was the Disney/Pixar production “Inside Out’. The movie is about how emotions   control the mind of an 11-year-old girl when her family moves to another city. Her sadness turns into fear and anger and confusion. There are no villains and there is no divorce or separation. However, this movie is magical, funny and illustrates the complexity of children’s emotions.

The other movie was Little Big Master (五個小孩的校長) .This is a true Hong Kong story about a New Territories kindergarten, the five little girls and their headmaster. Their families do not have money to send them to school and rely on the village to provide education. The head master helps the little girls face their fears of loneliness and abandonment and empowers them to have dreams and to persevere. The story is powerful and inspirational.

Children want a happy family
All Children want a happy family and they are sad when mom and dad are not getting along.  However, they will feel safer knowing their parents are working together to develop a plan for their future. A children’s financial plan is a great way to empower the family to move forward and to allow the child to be a part of this transition.